The Opposite Direction
A not-so-surprising fact needs to be said fore the rest: Korea is made for Koreans. “It’s Korea, full of Koreans. What else do you expect, stupid?” you might rightly ask, hence let me show you couple of things about being a foreigner in this tiny, cute, developed, yet meanwhile devilishly scary, annoying, and dangerous country.
What is the first thing that you do when you go to a new country? Yes, getting off the plane/train/coach, passing the passport control, picking your luggage up… Not these, the real and actual thing? Reaching your hotel, right? Now take a look at the photo below:
Please look at the announcement board on the front – the black guy. What do you see? A number of strange lines and circles on the left, a 3 and 30 on upper right, and a 4 on the lower right. What should we, non-Korean and non-Koreanized ordinary people that make up practically 99% of world population, make of it? Well, who cares about us? If we weren’t Koreanized by our will at home, we’re Koreanized by force in this country. You have to learn to read Korean, otherwise your chances of survival is extremely slim. Thankfully I managed to read and my wife managed to pick words from, and we, safely, could return home.
Korean, like any other language, was written and spoken differently couple of centuries ago. Today there is the Modern Korean, but did you know that Old Korean is in use either? Please look at the board above again. What’s written on the left hand side cannot be understood even by those that know Korean well because, yes, it’s not modern but old Korean. It’s nothing that extraordinary, just a friendly reminder from the government:
Honored Koreans! Please be reminded of your citizenly duties and keep duly fulfilling them. Don’t be fooled by the foreigners, don’t let them cross our lines. None of us want to face the consequences.
-Korea for Koreans-
Why this announcement is in the metro is clear, I reckon: Many people use it. Yet there is one thing that you cannot even think of, showing how devilishly smart Koreans are. Please look at the photo above again. You see that there are signs showing the exits, right? To the left is Namdaemun Market, to the right is 3rd Namsan Tunnel… Right?
Remember Old Korean? Unlike the modern version, it was written from left to right just like Arabic, Devanagari, or Hebrew. The result? If you want to go to Namdaemun Market, you need to actually go right and not left – or you need to follow the sign, get out, see that you’re not where you are supposed to be, get confused, go down, check again, try another random exit, and somehow find out that you actually need to go the opposite direction of what’s shown: They write the correct destination in Korean, and write the opposite in Latin for you to lose self confidence and bow down to Koreans easier.
“Koreans are 80% brain” someone once said. How true it is…
The photo above is just for you to see that the same applies for any transport. Try to translate the route via Google Translate or such, and it’ll show that above is written Lotte Dept. Store and below Ilsan Gajwa-dong. Nothing written here is wrong or unsupported, my friend. I don’t make these up, I only unveil the truth!
The Locker Mafia
The lockers above is found in many stations, not only at the large Seoul Central Station but also in many others on the metro lines, yet there’s a tiny catch: As you see, there are 8 compartments for large suitcases, 4 for medium ones, and 23 for the smalls. Now we ask: What are these lockers for? Surely not us foreigners who’d need to put the suitcases somewhere when we are moving across the country. Why, otherwise, would there be so few large suitcase compartments and a lot for purse-size ones?
Why? Let me tell you why. Up until 1995, few years after the first “really” democratic president was elected and few years before the famous Asian financial crisis, these lockers were not only found in all metro, bus, and train stations, not only in few of them, but also they were bigger, thrice the size you see above at the very least, and their design was exactly the opposite of what it is now: Lot more large compartments and few small ones.
What happened in 1995? Police discovered a drugs network active in the country. Wiretapping the lead criminal, they found out that these lockers, especially the large sized ones, were used to distribute narcotics and at times dealers around without suspicion. The solution was no less smart than the problem: First, the number of lockers was lowered and these new lockers had small compartments mostly. Still, future networks could use them for their dirty business and something more needed to be done – and Son Jae-min, then head of Seoul police force, came up with a brilliant idea: Small compartments needed to be used for shorter periods and continuously. A nationwide ad was aired where leading artists got tired of carrying their purses and packs, and left at these lockers for few hours. We humans, social and stupid animals, like to do what the people we like do, hence Koreans came to start using these small lockers and the first part of the plan was executed perfectly.
Second part of the plan? Half of these large compartments do not work. I mean, there actually are four and not eight compartments in the photo above. Three of the four compartments can only be used by Koreans and none other. We foreigners are allowed to use one and only one, a total of three or four large suitcase compartments, in the huge Seoul Central Station, so that Koreans will not become drug addicts. LSD Museum‘s failure is our problem, you see?
Taxis
Not much needs be said once the photo is seen, yet let me clarify it a bit further: There are two types of taxis in Korea. The first type is mostly C and D segment cars and they serve only Koreans – and residents that have indefinite leave to remain. If you have a temporary visa, you’re not only not allowed in them but also you’ll need to pay a fine of 10.000.000 KRW. As of today it’s approximately 750 USD. The second type of taxi is for foreigners and residents with a temporary visa, A and B segment cars are used, and you can find these taxis only through the numbers and sites mentioned in the photo. Koreans and permanent residents can use these taxis either, but come on! Who wants to sit at the back of the bus when the front is reserved for them?
Shame on you Korea, for keeping racism alive. Shame on you!
Police
Remember, I told you that a police officer followed every step of ours. Korea’s population is slightly above 50 million and, in a secret document, it’s estimated by the World Bank that 12 million roughly work for or as police. You know what this means? This means that all you hear about the North is true with one little, tiny, teeny twist: It’s true but for the South, not for North.
We were down at the tube, once, and a guy, half my height and quarter my weight, drew a knife, or rather a bayonet, and, looking at me, when I urged him to speak to me than my wife, spoke words which but Koreans would understand. “What’s your problem” I asked as if I didn’t get. I wasn’t allowed to be scared, nay, not only my wife, who needed my protection, was there but also you know how it works: Fear and you’re halfway dead.
Planning to attack before being attacked, as to surprise is way more preferable than being surprised, I head a whisper, coming from my back, saying “call the police” – yes, in English. I couldn’t look back, that meant turning my back to the potential murderer. “Police I said, police” the voice repeated. “You call then, damn it” I cried to no avail. Neither I nor my wife remembers how we managed to save ourselves from the situation, hence I have to skip this part to the most important bit:
The guy, who was whispering me to call the police was indeed the police officer that was spying on us. “What the hell, man? What use have ye” I asked – and of course he denied his identity, but gave me a most valuable information: There is a special unit in Korean police that deal only with crimes that include foreigners. Digging deeper, I found out the following:
- In the case that a foreigner wrongs a Korean, s/he not only will serve for double the time mentioned in the law but also will pay the equivalent of 100.000 USD. Failure of payment shall lead to five more years in the labour camp.
- If it’s the foreigner that’s wronged by a Korean, excluding grand offenses like murder, the Korean shall pay the fixed 10.000 KRW as reparation to the foreigner.
- If a foreigner is wronged by a foreigner, both shall pay the equivalent of 1.000 USD in KRW.
Yes, you’ll be in trouble, even when you are the victim, once you need the help of the police. There’s no avoiding this ugly reality – but, come on, don’t worry much! Crime rate is not high and most take place between gangs. Mine was an exceptional case as would be yours.
