I’m a Turk from the north eastern part of the country. We don’t know how to tell that we love someone, nor we know how to show it – except one: We feed. Anyway we like to share our food, but when it comes to showing love and admiration, we give food repeatedly.
To what extent? One of my aunts sits worried five minutes past breakfast, asking “you’re hungry, what should I feed ye”, while the other starts not after but before we’re done at the table. With all the food in front of us, and the whole fridge empty as a result, she looks at us, with a face that shows sorrow, despair, even self-hatred, she used to say, may God bless her soul, “you, oh my pashas, oh my sons, are by far not full. What should I cook? What would you want me to cook? How can I make you full”? Questions demand an answer, but such question is more of a comment, hence no answers.
Aunt after aunt I can tell the same story, and I believe you won’t expect my mom to be any different. The result? I’m big. I mean, big. Ever since first grade I’m called ayı, bear in Turkish, for I helped them in their quest. I love to eat and they give me what I love. I recently realized that my stomach doesn’t tell my brain that it’s full. There’s some point, which I’m expected to decide myself don’t know how, after which it’s an endless abyss: Give it the much you like and it’ll take them all. Once, back in METU, I ate around 15 kebabs in one go. Can you imagine? Well, I’m older now and wouldn’t manage that much, but I believe I wouldn’t need to stop until 7-8 at the very least.
Now, I hope dear reader, you understand even better how important it was for me to share with her before eating myself, when I told about how we met: At that very first moment, at the zero point I did the best and the much I could. Did she understand? Of course not! Damn, why is it so hard to be understood sometimes?
How our relationship came to end up with marriage is a long story and isn’t relevant here. What’s relevant is that my wife, who’s as small as a sparrow, calls me, yes, ayı. Well, ayi to make me angry – she knows Russian, hence knows the letter ı, but prefers i over ı for a reason unknown if not to annoy me.
As I like petite girls, she likes big guys. Tall, overweight, hairy, more strong than romantic albeit she wouldn’t mind the latter’s existence as well… What do these remind you?
Yes. Bears. She calls me bear but it’s more a nickname. She found bears in Korea, and she found them at every corner.
It was fun at first. These creatures, the masterpieces of nature that can run, swim, climb, and hide while having such huge body and unmatchable power under it, are designed to look cute by many. Problem? No, by no means no! I’m far inferior, only maybe my brain works a bit better, and I’m kinda proud to be called the same with them, if I must confess. “Ha ha! See, you like bears” it was. Then, just the next day she found another.
See how happy she is holding his hand? I, bragging about my mental capacity, was blind not to see what was coming. Next day, another bear, and again a happy wife.
Don’t take me wrong, our relationship isn’t bad. I mean, at least not that bad. It’s more like this:
But we all have a limit and the third was mine. “You’re looking to replace me, ma’am” I asked her. She laughed trying to hide what’s under and inside, but I’m not stupid. “Another bear and we’ll have a serious problem”.
The result?
Two of them? Really? Damn it, woman! Yeah, I had made my mind up. Divorce it was. Then I thought: Might this be yet another trickery of Koreans? I left her to visit a temple and palace alone and I went to the library. Yes, there I found my answer:
Apparently Koreans are putting these cute bears all around so that couples, people that have enough money to go all the way there and spend a lot, will not be happy any more and file their divorce there, spend a huge amount for the court proceedings, so that the country makes a bit more income as a result. Don’t believe me? Please take a look at the GDP breakdown of Korea:
| Breakdown of South Korean GDP (2021) | |
| High-Tech | %48 |
| Not-so-High Tech | %22 |
| Court Proceedings | %1.2 |
| Everything Else | %28.8 |
| Source: Bank of Korea | |
We were to go to the court the next morning, but I postponed it for when we were to be back to Georgia. I mean, why let them make even more money over us? No?
Good that I did it. Once we left Korea, not when we landed but even while we were on the air and outside Korean borders, she became what she was: The woman that loves only me, not some other bears as well. We’re doing fine again now but I learned my lesson, and am sharing it with the wide world, especially the guys: If your girl will be like mine, try to take it for a little longer. Making girls make you jealous and leading couples to divorce is yet another Korean gimmick. Don’t give them what they want. Keep your money in your pocket, keep your marriage happy and rolling!
