You are currently viewing Chapter IV: God in Surford

Olaf prepared leaflets and sent them around. Right after he found a reliable man to send south, first to Surford, then to wherever else he might need to go.

“If he refuses, tell him that this is the chance to see how his messengers fare.”

“But how will I know that it’s him?”

“He’ll know you.”

He sent more messengers afterwards, this time beyond the domain’s border, forgetting one thing: summer is the best time to travel, but also for war. Months later, in the beginning of October half these messengers were back and all came empty handed: Them men of Gods were needed in place than in the city, to bid farewell to the fallen and soothe the pain of these left behind. Olaf’s experience in trade didn’t seem to help this venture: No one even cared to listen to his call. “There’s no path to peace, peace is the path” a wise one once told him. He was to be successful, he had to be successful. He just needed to keep trying. Yet, there was a tiny problem: The still empty building was annoying him extremely much.

The solution was simple and straightforward: he visited the mayor again, this time not paying a single coin to speed the process up, and got the warrant to run a restaurant together with the guild. Coin, albeit slowly in the beginning, started flowing. All was good: he was used to living behind the walls, the city was well active, and he had made friends, and the wenches at the bathhouses were better than many he came across on the path. Considering he was no family man, all that was missing in life was the guild starting working.

And that missing piece of the puzzle was just found and put in place when God arrived two whole years later, precisely when Olaf was considering turning the guild into an inn as seeing the empty floors annoyed him a lot.

“Long we awaited for your arrival, God” Olaf welcomed God with open arms. “Called for you years ago, what took you so long”?

“God is neither early nor late, he arrives just in time. Now that you know you’re nothing without me, you’ll appreciate my divine power.”

“How do you know” Olaf asked curiously as if a peak around the empty hall wasn’t enough. God looked at him angrily as if he blasphemed.

“Forgive me for my transgression, God” Olaf said ashamed.

“I pardon you, son” God said, thought for a moment and continued. “This is the second time you say not the right thing in such short notice. Don’t rely this much in my mercy, am not always in the mood. You’re a nice man, I’d not want to burn you”.

It was the first time in more than forty years of his life was Olaf called a nice man. Not used to, he tried to understand if God was making fun of him or not. No, God was serious – seriously serious. Not knowing how to reply, “are you hungry” he asked. Yeah, God was hungry. He always was hungry, hence his messengers, but this time the reason was different: He had travelled since morning and wouldn’t mind a well roasted steak or two. Better three. Four, four, best make it five. Yeah.

The two sat at a table and God asked Olaf to tell about what had passed during past two years. Olaf, sadly, didn’t have much to tell: he had been behind the city walls, enjoying good food and mead, needless to add girls. He hadn’t the slightest idea, for he had no interest any more, about what had went on in the wide world. He’d not be happy with Olaf’s response another time but the steak was too good to make him feel anything other than pure pleasure and joy.

Half an hour he ate. Half an hour Olaf sat with him patiently waiting for god’s lunch to finally come to an end. A long burp and the removed belt and robe were the signs that god was full in the end but, sadly, halfway drunk also. Olaf was to wait, Olaf had to wait for the evening to be able to talk to him properly in the end.

God was wide awake towards sunset. Well fed and in good mood, he came up with a great idea:

“Shall we take a walk?”

“Now?”

“Is there a better time?”

“Now is the best time for anything.”

God wore his white robe and the two were on the wide and beautiful Summer Palace Road. God was asking questions about anything and everything: what the symbol on this table meant, why that woman was wearing black, where this nice smell was coming from, if gambling was allowed or not… Olaf hadn’t the slightest idea about at least half of them but patiently answered the much he can. They walked up to the palace first and then down to the main square where stalls never were closed – be it winter, snow, rain, or blinding sun. Surford once was among the liveliest places west of the southern domain and the square was its heart.

God was astonished. It was his first time in the city, he had travelled far and large across the land but always to the villages and towns. Walls disgusted him a lot, so much so that he didn’t spend one night between them for countless years already. He didn’t like to talk about it, neither he told Olaf why – but I learned the reason when I was studying the annals of the reign of King Ysted:

A man, whose name was not deemed important and omitted, from Cheltenwitck, a hamlet south-west of Today’s Argenta, was imprisoned when he claimed to be a god, he saw neither the sun nor a person for two hundred days. He was released only after denying his godship in front of the whole village, and left the hamlet never to return. I believe that this man is our God given his aim of gathering God’s invincible army and capturing Aarnva, the barony, turning it into a holy fortress, and make sure that his name lives forever and ever. Hence, he was from far south and albeit he travelled a lot, he never even went close to where he was born, raised, and discovered his identity. Did he decide to answer Olaf’s call for this? That no one knows.

For now, though, he had more pressing things to deal with than rising an army. The women in the city were, how to say, “different” than those in the villages and towns. These were better groomed, looked prettier, acted alluringly and their bosoms, oh their bosoms… He wished he had came earlier but late was better than never, at least.

“So you spent your days” God asked his eyes wide open, “with food, mead and girls eh”?

“As you said, God. I have coin and coin buys ’em all.”

“Now that I’ve seen what good food and mead is, it’s time I see the last either.”

“You mean girls?”

“What else can I mean?” god cried. It was Olaf’s third transgression, this time it wasn’t pardoned. Olaf couldn’t quite believe what he heard, though, for which he repeated his question.

“Pardon me, God, you want to meet with girls?”

“What might be that surprising?”

“Well, you are… You know. God. Shouldn’t you have better interests?”

“I indeed am god, but now am in the body of a man. This earthly nature has its own needs. I eat, I drink, I sleep, so I…”

Olaf didn’t question more, even a new-born wouldn’t need to. He had other things in mind but a day early or late wouldn’t make a difference.

“What does your divine taste prefer?”

“Like?”

“You know. Red, blonde, black, short, tall, big breasted, small breasted, slim, fat…”

“Damn, we can choose?”

“Seems I have a bit to teach before learning. Come! We have things to do.”

Hence the two headed towards the closest bathhouse. I said that God was amazed by the roads, remember? He was double, maybe triple much as that with the bathhouse, of course not by the walls, fragrances or the purity and sound of the water but the girls, almost all the girls the much that the man that hated walls, and didn’t even visit cities in his past who knows how many years, didn’t mind, as in Chilkmoor, about the tiny private rooms. He picked not one, not two but three girls, including Olaf’s favourite, making this poor soul quite proud of his taste, of different heights, hair colours, and of course body types, and ran, literally ran to the room removing his clothes already on the way. Olaf wasn’t alone in having the honour of seeing the God, and especially his ass naked but seemed really like ethics is the problem of the middle class, not that of the upper or the lower ones.

It was well past the time that the bathhouse was officially closed, past midnight when everyone except the guards and Olaf were home sleeping, that God left the room – quite weak but with a huge smile as if the moon shone on his face.

“Son, this will be my second home” he said barely able to walk. “They… They sucked all my energy, I doubt I can walk. Come” he said, turned Olaf around and got on his back. “Take me to my bed, I’m tired” he whispered before passing out.

No one remembers the actual reason today but this was the very incident for Olaf to be called “the God bearer”.

And the evening and the morning was the first day. Olaf woke up to find him sitting silently as if he was meditating. “Good morning, God” he said but didn’t receive an answer. God was there but God was there not. Olaf went for breakfast and God showed up an hour later.

“I checked on you but you were busy.”

“Aye. I was checking what’s going on around. And you know what?” he said blinking his eye, “morrow shall come out first guest, and the next day the other”.

Yeah, yeah.  Morrow the first and the next day the other. Olaf was a smart man, he had lived enough winters not to believe in such nonsense – especially after the last night. “You say so” he said mockingly with a smile. God was serious though. “I do” he said, with a voice strengthened by the power of knowledge.

“I shall be the merriest person on earth tomorrow, then.”

“Nay, you won’t be. Alex will convince Anna and finish his job in the silo but don’t worry! I can give you the next day?”

“Then sign me up for the next day, God. Fleeing captivity was the best that I’ve felt, let’s see if it can be bested.”

“Consider it done” God said, closed his eyes and made some strange sounds. “Alright, next day is yours” he said confidently. Olaf thought that this man was madder than he initially thought but it was fine. Wasn’t it why God was invited with a private call?

The day passed with the two walking around the city, God becoming acquainted with the people and the streets, and even revealing his identity to a person, Baldwin the butcher, who made the mistake of mocking him. On their way back they found the store closed long before the evening, the usual closing time, for Baldwin had cut one of his fingers off, the very finger he pointed at god while saying “am a boar if you’re god”, and was taken to the infirmary.

“I warned him” God said calmly. “Maybe now he’ll know how to talk to me”.

“Isn’t this heavy of a punishment?”

“No. I’ll remember this at the end of the days and this will serve as reparation for his other ill deeds.”

Some coincidences are too coincidental to be mere coincidence.

Thus had passed the day and the night, well, you know how it was. Thankfully God didn’t pass out and was able to walk home himself – by the help of the sheep he ate in the afternoon and having two than three girls.

And the evening and the morning was the second day – the day Olaf was supposed to be the happiest man on earth.